Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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