Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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