is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
