I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
