How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
