Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
