I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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