Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
