he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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