Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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