I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
