That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
