I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
