I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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