If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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