Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
