I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
