Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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