Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's shark week go big or go home
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
