wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
