pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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