When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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