funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
