Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
