My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
