Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
