I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
