me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
pray to the hookup gods
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
