i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
