Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
