I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
