you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
