we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
