it wasn't lemon gatorade
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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