i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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