This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
