okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
