I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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