I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
