I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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