Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
