i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
