I think I won the penis lottery.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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