The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He? As in you personified your dick?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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