another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
