I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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