I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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