tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
