I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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