i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
