I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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