The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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