the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
