When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
